I wrote this piece for ROOKIE about my mom's decision to go back to school and how the process of exercising her own agency changed my perception of her. I'm very grateful for the opportunity to write for a publication like ROOKIE; I do what I do because I felt so weird and lost growing up - I want girls like me to have something that helps it hurt a little less.
Lots of people really enjoyed the piece and that makes me happy. But it feels important for me to share that writing through something so personal was an exercise in working through anxieties related both to writing and my personal life.
I am very happy about the relationship I have with my mother; it has evolved into something resembling mutual respect, and that is more than I could ever ask for. But I wouldn't say I am close with my family. We don't speak every day. My mom knew I wrote this piece, but I haven't even asked her what she thought of it. The thought of it actually terrifies me. That caveat is important. My relationship with my family has been tumultuous over the years and I don't want this piece to infer that I have some feel-good-y, "normal" relationship with my mother because I don't feel like I do.
I'm not sure why that is yet, but it's something I think I can work through via writing. Knowing I struggle with the nuances of interpersonal relations, it feels good to know I can prompt conversation, praise, and respect through sharing the most visceral part of me - my feelings. Most of the time people don't want to know how you feel.